Ave @heyavecado, Eleanor @elunoir_unlovable , Almira, Barbara @b_glam_11, Danielle @helixis7185

After the June meetup at the Cat Cafe, there weren't a whole lot of meetings planned. In fact there weren't any at all in my fashion community. I was looking on a list of cool things to do in Connecticut, and I discovered this special exhibit at the Florence Griswold Museum called Dana Sherwood: Animal Appetites and Other Encounters in Wildness. This exhibit looked super fascinating to me, and I really wanted to go. I just clicked with Dana Sherwood's art right away. This exhibit was apparently her first museum survey where she exhibited films, sculpture installations, oil and watercolor paintings painted over the last decade that interrogate the relationship between wild nature and domestic culture with symbolic references to cross-species commuincation, the feminine experience, and the occult. 

I know that the best way to gather people interested in art and culture is to make an event out of it and encourage them to dress up in their niche fashion while attending. I was still so new to lolita fashion at this point, the only coordinate suggestions I had for attendees based on a quick online glance at Dana Sherwood's exhibit were "Animals, Tea Party, Florals, and Bonnets!".  How we managed to perfectly all match Dana Sherwood's art with our sweet lolita coordinates and color choices, I will never know; but I consider it a moment of serendipity. 

Ave is wearing a Sweet jsk from Bodyline along with some decora accessories in her hair and a very cute frog themed Ita crossbody bag. Eleanor's coordinate is actually more of a Classic style. She had matching sunflowers on her bonnet and even on her nails. Almira's dress she actually commissioned from a seller so it fits her proportions perfectly!  This was Barbara's first meetup and she cleverly assembled this coordinate out of various pieces that she found on Amazon along with a pair of work shoes! My main piece (the cat mermaid jsk) that I had ordered in July came about two weeks before this meetup, so my heart was set on wearing it; but everything else about my outfit changed due to the extreme heat and humidity of the first Sunday of August that only a place like Connecticut can provide. 

Yes, even though I had two actual beautiful lolita blouses from China, they were in fact WAY TOO HOT for this meetup. I had to settle on my old faithful, the same Hot Topic shirt that I wore at the Cat Cafe because I would have passed out if I wore any of the chiffon ruffled shirts I received. I wore an everyday petticoat with this, but the real star are the cotton bloomers, peeking out from underneath. Because the Hot Topic shirt and the bloomers are off-white, I had to go with my natural colored oxfords and off white socks, which almost skew this look more Classic. However, by styling my hair in bun braids and tying on bow ribbons (that were part of a decoration for a birthday gift I was given), I am affectively still reading as a Sweet style Lolita. 

Now I know why the community doesn't really plan meetings in mid to late summer. The materials used in the fashion just aren't super conducive to spaces and places without air conditioning.  At least I know I will never suffer from "being too cold" again in the pursuit of fashion!

Danielle @helixis7185 and Clover @clover.jean at Mew Haven Cat Cafe

Just after the World Goth Day meetup, I went to an actual website for Chinese Indie lolita brands and started ordering pieces for coordinates. I went to Devil Inspired, which is a website that has not only EGL fashion, but also a lot of other fashion styles. They often have a lot of free shipping promotions and sometimes even sales on top of that...but they are incredibly slow at acquiring your items and communicating with you if something isn't actually in stock and processing refunds. Most people advise against using them at all, but I have found that if you're wondering about the status of an order or an item, creating a "Ticket" within your order on their website is the easiest way to get their attention. And then if you need further help...just keep making tickets. It's kind of a customer service nightmare to be honest, and I think I just have a lot of patience [I used to be a middle school teacher], so this is just a minor inconvenience for me.  I actually made two orders before the Cat Cafe meetup (one at the end of May and another at the beginning of June). I figured I would pick up a few sweet lolita jsk, a petticoat, something like a peignoir, a few blouses in different colors and sleeve lengths, some OTK (over-the-knee) socks and a sweet lolita purse. These orders mind you...did not come close to arriving until about the end of JULY. 

The Cat Cafe meetup was in mid June 2022. We had to purchase tickets for our time with the cats in advance (on weekends) at the Mew Haven Cat Cafe. Your ticket is timed for about one hour with the cats and you can purchase beverages and food on site to consume while hanging out with the cats. The food/beverages are prepared in a separate area from the cat enclosure.  Overall plan to spend about $18-25 for visiting and getting a beverage. 

The person who set up the event for our group encouraged us to wear coordinates with cats on them. I had exactly one real jsk at this point, and it if you looked closely there were tiny brown silhouette cats with heart shaped chests on the print. THERE. CATS. The rest of the outfit I put together from stuff I had. This shirt from Hot Topic actually works pretty well with sweet and classic lolita coordinates because it has a slightly puffed sleeve, peter pan collar, and the buttons are adorable. If you are waiting for the "real stuff" to come in, this is what you can wear in the meantime. Other parts of my outfit include a pair of semi-sheer polka dot Snag Tights, the natural colored oxfords (I bought when I was an art teacher but never wore because I didn't want to get paint on them), and a paper flower hairband I received in a Tarte makeup order as a free gift circa 2015. Interesting to note, I added a cameo pin that belonged to my maternal grandmother that fit perfectly between the bows on the bodice. 

Clover's coordinate is much more put together and reads as Classic, but also "OTT" [Over the Top]. She perfectly pairs a jsk that is sax blue and gray as its main colors with a gray shirt, gray hat, socks that match the coordinate, and jewelry that matches in color and theme. She even had a giant bow bag which can be seen on the side table that kind of matched. You can't tell in this photo, but she also had matching blue shoes that worked really well with the dress. I think that particular jsk could also be read as a Sweet style if it was styled differently. For instance, instead of the long gray button up to swap with a white short sleeve shirt, a KC (bow head band) of some sort instead of the bonnet, and a pair of shorter white lace socks would give this piece an entirely different vibe. 

Want to know a secret? I originally had this beautiful pastel wig on with my coordinate. AND THEN IT SLIPPED OFF MY HEAD while we were inside the Cat Cafe. I was so embarrassed but I threw my wig in my backpack and just carried on. NO ONE apparently noticed and said that the flowers looked just as good on my real hair.  I learned after the fact that I was wearing the wrong kind of wig cap and some other tips and tricks from my cosplayer friends for putting wigs on. I still am working up the nerve to try again...

Pictured from left to right:
Carol @sacred.tears Colleen @collasweet Jess @foxybella75 Danielle @helixis7185

The second elegant lolita fashion meetup I attended was for World Goth Day. Now this is a theme I could get behind. I've been wearing goth/industrial themed clothes for about twenty years now as part of my normal wardrobe. It was never just a phase for me. However...did I have anything that could pass for lolita?

It was incredibly hot that day. (We were originally going to start our meetup with a cemetery picnic, but it was so hot, we ended up at a house, with A/C.) The outfit I was going to wear was definitely going to be too hot either way. I had to think of something, and quick. Now Killstar is a great place to get gothic themed clothes, accessories, even some delightful spooky/witchy themed housewares. They claim to have plus sizes, but don't be fooled...the largest size...4XL is equivalent to a US 18. I tend to run in the L or XL size, (Similar to lolita fashion--WHAT A COINCIDENCE!) The dress I picked is kinda neat; it has patterned lace sleeves with bows that end in a flare (a bit like wristcuffs). It also has a ruffled neckline. I thought for sure that it would pass for lolita. Well not quite. The neck is plunging which seems counterintuitive to more modest necklines in lolita. And alas the same old same old...there's not enough flare in the skirt for a petticoat or even an underskirt to create the iconic poof. However my other accessories are working pretty well. The witchy themed fishnets, heeled brogues, and my hairband with the black roses and lace are working great (all stuff that I got elsewhere for other outfits). 

Carol went for a gothic/pirate look. She has a witchy skirt and blouse with a vest over it, big hat, big purse, and Strangecvlt shoes. I remember her saying something like her outfit could also have been worn at the Renaissance Faire. Colleen, has all the pieces for a gothic lolita look. Witchy contrasting diamond themed jsk with a lace like long sleeve top underneath. Patterned black tights, black booties, a book themed crossbody, and a black veil with a flower round out this look. You can't tell from the photo, but she also has matching jewelry. Jess is into lolita fashion, but she's also an avid cosplayer. Since part of our meeting was to go to Curioporium for a haunted shopping experience as group, she wanted to dress up as Misa Amane, an anime character from the title Deathnote. A quick google search of this character will show you that she nailed it from the black blouse and skirt to the long lace gloves, and especially the blonde pigtail wig. 

Now I just want to get a bit of a close up on my makeup look. I googled something like "gothic lolita makeup"and I found that I had to purposely put bright pink blush around my eyes after putting on a foundation a little lighter than my skintone. It was a little tedious and scary at first...I never put blush up that high and I knew I had to layer it slowly because it could get muddy fast if I wasn't careful. At first I thought it was a bit harsh, a scary look---well that's what it's supposed to be!! NAILED IT!

Colleen and I are helping Misa summon her beloved Light at Curioporium. 

 One month after the clothing sale, I was determined to go to my first meetup. However, I wasn't ready to debut my Rose Bustle JSK with the Meta shirt yet as I didn't have a proper petticoat, or other matching accessories. I decided that SWEET style was the easiest style to imitate without at a lot of time or money. So I did what any stubborn person would do---SHOP at HOT TOPIC! (Now back in my youth, Hot Topic was the place for teenagers and college students to get goth/punk clothes and accessories, hair dye, piercing hardware and band t-shirts.) They still have all that stuff, but they've diversified into kawaii styling, toys, other pop culture references, even some housewares!  A quick search on their site for "kawaii clothing" will bring up a variety of pink pastel blouses, skirt-alls, dresses, and accessories loosely inspired by various Japanese street fashions.  If you type in "lolita" it gets even more specific. You can even see the Strawberry and Bows Petticoat skirt I purchased.

I built my entire outfit around this skirt. I purchased an additional pink normie petticoat to go under it to billow it out a bit more (believe me it has enough extra material to achieve this look), the knee socks which have little pastel bear buttons on them (which you can't see), the 4 inch platform heel wing shoes, and even the ivory colored crop top.  If you're a petite height and you have a short torso, you can cheat with crop tops if your skirt is high waisted enough. And this logic also works well with actual jsk's to help you save money on blouses especially in those humid summer months!

Additional styling on this outfit includes a pink crop cardigan from Hell Bunny (a vintage inspired alt fashion brand), some of the bracelets I purchased at the clothing sale, a pair of earrings my friend Barbara made me over ten years ago, and a pink bow barrette I purchased from Shein. Oh and the bag I'm carrying is a mini backpack from--guess where--HOT TOPIC. I actually used this bag everyday during the spring and summer of 2022 (it just happened to match most of my fashion club outfits at that time). 

The meet up was at Old Mystic Village at the Alice and Wonderland themed cafe. I had only been to Mystic Village once before, about a year prior, so I didn't know exactly where to park so I parked on the edge of it all. Once I found the map, I realized I had parked on the exact opposite end of the village from where the cafe was. I put on my big girl shoes and got to experience walking in 4 inch platform heels for the first time in my life. It was also the first time I experienced the reactions of the general public to alt fashion that wasn't goth. A man told me that I looked BEEE-YOU-TIFUL!  Another man told me I looked like a living Barbie Doll. I didn't realize I was going to get so much...attention.  I was so relieved to make it the cafe and meet all my new friends for the first time!  

As I may have mentioned in my last post, it can be incredibly difficult to acquire or purchase pieces for a lolita fashion wardrobe. Some of it can be costs and budgeting, but a lot of is WAITING or waiting for the right moment. Even on a resale site like Lacemarket, you'll be checking frequently or waiting for a bid that you registered for to end, and if you're the "winner" you'll still wait at least 2 weeks for an item to be shipped out to you (or more if you bought it from someone outside of your country). If you are buying new from a Chinese shopping service, you're also going to be waiting a week or two for them to inquire about the availability of the item, then the item needs to be made (MTO=Made to Order), which can take as little as 2 weeks to several months (OR UP TO A YEAR), and then of course whatever shipping you selected when you paid for the item originally (I usually choose the cheapest option so that's another 3 weeks). 

The very next best thing to choosing your own clothes and waiting for them to be made and shipped to you is to attend a clothing selling meetup in your EGL community.  Usually there are folks that have been in the fashion for awhile and they are letting go of pieces that are no longer their style or don't fit anymore at deep discounts.

Which brings me to my beloved Meta shirt. (Meta is short for Metamorphose Temps de Fille). Now at the time...I didn't know hardly any of the brands except for Bodyline and Baby The Stars Shine Bright (and I only knew the latter because a friend of mine from college bought a lot of their beautiful designs when she was teaching english in Japan probably around 2008 ish. That stuff that she bought is considered 'vintage' Baby now because it is from the earlier days of lolita fashion. I asked her if it's for sale and she said it's rotting somewhere in her parents attic...so I'm gonna take that as a no.)

The reason I was drawn to the Meta shirt was simply because of its color and the fact that it fit me--I didn't think it was possible for me to fit into anything Japanese fashion (I was still in disbelief...and for good reason) but I tried it on at the swap meet and it fit! 

Now you know from my previous post all I had in my lolita wardrobe so far was the Rose Stripe Bustle JSK from Bodyline that I purchased in February of 2022.  I knew I needed an off-white or ivory colored shirt to go with it, so I just went for it.  I also purchased a couple of socks from another seller and some jewelry. However, when I got home I just felt like the Meta shirt was way too fancy for the rose stripe bustle jsk and that all the accessories that I purchased were meant for a sweet coordinate...not the classic one that I was half heartedly trying to build.

However, knowing what I know now about the fashion and brand loyalty, it is not uncommon for people to purchase used brand clothing that is stained, slightly altered, or missing buttons. I still can't get behind this mindset to be honest brand or not. I want all my pieces to have all their parts and if there's a stain, it ought to be somewhere I can't see it. There are some EGL communities that are very exclusive where you can only be a member if you're wearing a coordinate from your "brand" or an an amalgam of "brand" items. Luckily my local community isn't like that. People are always open to discussion, are incredibly creative with their choices, and some members even make their own clothes in the fashion! But let's be honest, if my community ever changed their mindset, I would absolutely just go on wearing the clothes without them.

 When you build a lolita coordinate, every outfit will consist of the following:

• Dress or jumperskirt/salopette/skirt with blouse
• Appropriate size petticoat
• Matching socks/tights
• Matching headpiece 
• Matching footwear
• Matching purse/bag

A lot of times when you're starting out you can find or make a lot of the accessories you might need, can find bags at TJ Maxx or Marshalls, and add things like lace or bows to socks that you already own to make your outfit appear more lolita. Sometimes you can find normie blouses that will work under a jsk or salopette. But you just can't make/ take normie cut dresses or petticoats into lolita fashion. 

My first dress, which is actually a Jumper Skirt, I was able to try on in person at a local Anime/Gaming shop called Akiba Underground. The owner, Carolyn, is really into lolita fashion and the lolita clothing and accessories that she has for sale in the shop she purchased IN JAPAN [before the pandemic of course]. I fell in love with Rose Stripe Bustle right away. (Bodyline is one of the budget friendly brands. I think this piece cost me about $50). It reminded me of something that Melora Creager would wear onstage in her act Rasputina.  (Rasputina is one of the reasons I started learning the cello-another expensive hobby of mine). 

Of course, when I started my lolita journey, I pretty much just wanted to get on the ground running and creating outfits that "passed" for lolita fashion to the untrained eye.  My first JSK, a size large, fit me (at least without a blouse and petticoat and all that under it). It was love at first sight and I bought it immediately, without regret, but also without a whole lot of knowledge. I did not have a matching lolita style shirt [yet] or a petticoat [yet]. But I thought I could put something together that would pass on my first try and news flash...it didn't read as lolita...but still read as an alternative fashion, specifically "mori girl". So why isn't the photo above lolita? Well quite frankly it's all wrong from the waist down. I'm not wearing a petticoat, I have bare legs and I'm wearing close toed sandals. 

When you first get into lolita fashion, a lot of people will tell you that it takes awhile to build your outfits and that you should figure out what styles you lean most towards (Sweet, Gothic, or Classic) so you can narrow down your choices in color (especially) when you build your wardrobe. (This particular JSK says that it is Sweet, but to me reads more as Classic). Then you shop at second hand fashion places like Lace Market , Wunderwelt, or your own local community.  It's also INTEGRAL to know all of your measurements like your full bust, waist, and hip sizes in inches as well as centimeters to really know if something is going to fit you. Do not assume anything with sizing.

Oh and you might have realized that if you're buying most of the Japanese fashion brands, they're expensive, like $250-500 for a dress or jumperskirt. The resale value on pieces is still high, so that's what you will see for both new and second hand. However, if you're looking for more budget friendly options, (like an entire outfit for $85-100) look no further than Chinese Indie brands. There are a lot of choices here, but you have to be careful with what sites you shop with and check their customer service rating. Not all sites are trustworthy and there can be errors in communication about your items..more on that in a future post. 
 
In the end, I realized I was lucky to still pass for alt fashion with my choices in my coordinate, but I needed to make some more serious attempts at shopping within the fashion to create a true lolita look with this piece.  

Lolita fashion is a fashion subculture from Japan that is highly influenced by Victorian clothing and styles from the Rococo period. It has three main subcategories that are referred to as "Sweet", "Classic" and "Gothic". There are even more subcategories from there such as 'country', 'sailor', 'hime (princess)', 'ero', 'shiro (white)', 'kuro (black)', 'punk', 'wa and qi (inspired by traditional Japanese and Chinese dress), 'pirate', 'old-school', 'steampunk', etc. 

Within Japanese culture the name lolita refers to cuteness and elegance rather than to sexual attractiveness. ​Many lolitas in Japan are not aware that the word lolita is associated with Nabokov's book, or the multiple western films "Lolita"  [that show grooming and sexualization of underage persons] and they are disgusted by it when they discover such relations. 

You can read more about the origins of lolita fashion here. 

So now that we've got that out of the way, my main emphasis on this blog will be my journey of building my lolita wardrobe, how I figured out my favorite substyles, brands that I enjoy, how I acquired pieces, community meetings, etc.